Funny Things My Kids Say

I am going to use this post as a place to keep a list of the funny things my kids say in 2010

Sam- "Mom do you know how we know Santa can fly in rain?"
Me- "No Sam, how do you know?"
Sam- "Because he has REINdeer. Hello!"

Sam was playing the Wii yesterday and he asked me "how do you spell winner?".  I spelled it for him and then turned around to see what he was doing.   He was making a new character for himself and just went ahead and named himself "Winner".

Oh what I wouldn't give for that kind of self-confidence.

I asked Sam what he thought we should get Ruthie for Christmas and he said, "I know. I know.  Girls like flowers so we should get one and put it in the back of her shirt to make it more prettier. "

The nurses offered Jack so ice cream and he said, "No thank you.  I am trying to lay low on my sugar intake today."

I have no idea where he got that.

Sam has informed me that he wants a jet pack that works or a Putt Putt golf course for Christmas and Jack wants a meteorology station like the National Weather Service has.  Let's see if we can't also get Ruthie a life size replica of Cinderella's castle while we are at it. 

My kids clearly need to be brought back to reality

Me- "Sam when you finish lunch let's read a book together."

Sam- "Can I play Wii? I have already spent time with you today."

This is more of a favorite kid action of the week.

I was telling Trent last night about how I caught Sam climbing the tree in our front yard. So he proceeded to tell me how he had caught Sam trying to climb on the roof of the playscape that same day. Then that reminded me of how I had caught Sam jump from the 6th stair to the living room floor that afternoon.

I am starting think that Ruthie may not be the only one getting an arm cast this fall

Oh the language in the pastor's house.

I heard Sam yelling in the living room "You are mean Jack and you are not a follower of Jesus!"

Curious as to what could have caused such accusations, I checked it out and discovered that Jack had the audacity to cheer for the other guy on the Wii. :)

I have to think that God loves listening to children pray. I know it makes me smile every time mine do.

Here was Sam's prayer the other night, "God thank you for joy. Help me to win my next big karate tournament and ask Santa to give me a jet pack for Christmas. Oh and thank you for my food tomorrow. Amen."

Ok so this one is a little gross but too funny not to share.

Sam in the car on the way to church yesterday-

"Mom I was going to eat my boogger but it had blood on it so I wiped it on shorts because eating blood would have been gross. Right???"

I guess he hasn't figured out that eating his boogers is gross all by itself.

Last week, Trent caught Sam trying to make a zip-line, with a bed sheet, from the top bunk to this 4ft locker he has in his room.

Tonight I walked in and caught him moving the locker so he could jump from the top bunk to the locker. I explained that the locker is plastic and lightweight so it will fall over if he jumps to it.

He told me, "If that happens, my plan is to grab that"- as he pointed to the ceiling light.

I think we are destined to have a broken arm in his future

The kids were straightening up the garage while playing in it (in the rain) today.

Jack came in and told me "Mom, this is BS work"

I was shocked and grateful when he clarified, "Brother Sister work"

I told Jack this morning that his dad and I had decided to start giving him an allowance in response to him picking up some extra responsibility around the house.

I was super shocked when he said, "I am too young for that and besides, I have enough money." He then reassured me that he will still help out around the house anyway.

Works for me!

SAM- "I am trying to be a man, but it is just not working out for me."

ME- "What are you talking about?"

SAM- "Daddy can carry my backpack on one shoulder but when I try, it just falls off."

Sam was singing a song about growing up called "Little By Little" and he stopped and said, "Mom I am going to miss you when I grow up."

I assured him that I was doing everything in my power to stop that growing up craziness.

When Ruthie and I do her therapy, I motivate her with M&Ms. Tonight she stopped in the middle and said, "Give me food now!" I guess she has ME trained.

Sam- "You don't have to get me a graduation present if you will just let me stay all days with you"

Jack took his first field trip on a real school bus the other day. The night before, he told me "I don't want to ride on a school bus. Those things don't have seat belts and that is just not safe"

Boy thinks like his mom. Love it!

While playing in the backyard with the kids the other day I noticed bumble bees around our playground.

I was swatting them with a tennis racket while the kids took cover on the porch.

Sam- "mom I know why all those bees came to our yard"

Me- "really? why?"

Sam- "Because they heard what a great mom you are."

*At 5 years old my little man has already mastered the art of sweet talking the ladies

Our family is supposed to dress up as "what we want to be when we grow up" one night at family camp. So I asked Sam "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

He replied, "Whatever God wants me to be"

I was touched and told him that he was going to be able to dress up and I needed to know what he wanted to be.

He looked at me and said, "Well if I dress like it then I will be it and I only want to be what God wants me to be and He hasn't told me yet."

Sam got a magic trick the other day where you put a dollar bill in a roller and depending on how you rigged it, something comes out on the other side. In the video, the magician makes a $100 bill come out the other side.

Sam was begging me for $1 bills all day so he could practice making $100s. I just couldn't seem to make him understand that if it really made $100s, I would have been making them myself. I promise. :)

I had Sam in his room helping me put away his laundry and he said, "Look mom, I am going to show you how to fold my undies so next time you can just do it yourself."

Nice try kid.

I was giving Trent a hard time for his response to my dinner suggestion the other night when Jack leaned over to him and said, "Girls are so dramatic".

Sam- "Do you have spray to kill my boogers?"

Me- "No. why?"

Sam-"Because you said that if I eat my boogers I will shrink so I want to kill the bugs in my boogers that eat the food in my tummy."

I am so proud of Jack! He had AWANA store tonight where he gets to use the bucks he has earned learning his verses to buy things. He came home and had spent all of his money buying presents for the rest of the family and they were well thought out too. I was so proud of him that it made me cry. It is moments like these that make parenting so great.

Me "Sam look there is Mr. Terry floating in space."

Sam- "OK. Can we watch Peek a boo elmo now"

The other day Sam brought me a capsule that you put in water and then a sponge dinosaur pops out. He told me that he wants to give it to someone who is poor and doesn't have any toys. I smiled and told him "sure that's a great idea" and moved on. Since then, he has come up to me several times a day and asked when we can go give it to someone who is poor. Looks like we will be making a trip to Goodwill some time this weekend. :) Love that kid and his heart

This morning: Sam- "can I play Wii" Me- "No Sam, we don't play Wii in the morning, we watch the news." Sam- "I know some news I can tell you and then can I play Wii?"

Jack has the day off from school and so he told me,

"Mom I would love to stay home with you today, but have to go to work with daddy and help in the library with the preschoolers because they just love me and I kinda a big deal to them."

Sam was playing a game with his GranMary that got hard and so he told her that they needed to pray and ask Jesus to help them. They did and the game started working again. Later when it got hard again, GranMary told Sam that they needed to ask Jesus to help again. Sam replied, "Na I think Jesus is tired of this game"

Sam tonight at dinner- "Mom, I know the verse in the Bible"

Me-"What verse Sam?"

Sam- "I can do anything that strengthens me"

Me- "Sam I think it goes, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' "

Sam- "Oh yeah. I forget the Christ part.”

Ones I remember from 2009 and Status from Facebook in 2009 and 2010:

Ruthie called an onion a roll earlier and the carrots a hot dog. I need to expose that child to more vegetables. But you have to admit, rolls and hot dogs are better than onions and carrots any day.

I am having a hard time explaining to Jack how the Leap Frog Didj that Santa got him was broken and had someone else's name plugged into it. Seems that Toys R Us sold a returned defect to the elves. C'mon Toys R Us help a mama out.

Ruthie got big girl undies in her stocking that she keeps modeling for us and sticking out her bottom to show us.

I feel so bad. I just gave Sam the biggest lecture about keeping up with his things because we couldn't find any of his light sabers. Then Jack reminded me that I had bagged them all up and put them in time out last week. Oops. Sorry Sam.

I didn't like that tooth anyway. Now that Sam managed to knock it out (with the help of his brother), I won't have to touch it up on Photoshop anymore. :)

Ruthie has grown 4 shoe sizes in 5 months. It is all happening too fast.

I just caught Ruthie eating old grapes out of the kitchen trash with a big smile on her face.

Sam has decided to start putting items, like his telescope, in the refrigerator to see what it will do to them. Lord help us when he can reach the microwave.

I told Sam today that next week is Thanksgiving. He asked me "is that when we get presents?" I told him "no that is when we stop and think about what we are thankful for". He exclaimed, "Well, I am thankful for presents!"

The funniest moment during my trip to Dallas was when my aunt's neighbor met Ruthie and then tried to talk to her in spanish. Uh Mr. she is Chinese not Mexican.

Sam asked me tonight if he has to hug and kiss Jesus when he goes to heaven because he only likes to hug and kiss family you know. :)

Sam's thought process is so interesting to me. Yesterday we were saying the nursery rhyme for Humpty Dumpty. Sam stopped for a minute and then asked me, "When Humpty Dumpty fell and cracked, what kind of animal came out of him?"

FYI- I am learning that glue won't keep your kids patches on AWANA vests or cub scouts vests. Go ahead and break out the needle and thread. :) They really should make these things with some sort of adhesive though.

Ruthie has one club hand and another in a cast. Still she managed to open and dump out a bottle of lotion, unfold my laundry, unfix her hair (bow and all), and empty a present full of bags of candy all in the last 30 minutes.

I wanted Sam (and the neighbor kids) to think I was cool if I could flip like a Jedi so I did a back handspring in my front yard for him this afternoon and now my shoulder really hurts. I am going to feel pretty stupid if I tore my rotator cuff.

8:00 am- started my new diet, resolved to eat healthier from now on 3:00 pm- picked Jack up from school and took him to Marble Slab for strawberry shortcakes. :)

Jack just told me "When you are 40 or 50 and you die, I will go to your funeral and then let my brother and sister come live with me"

Jack is supposed to do a project on his culture for school. So I asked him today to tell me about his culture. He said, "Umm Mexican". WHAT? The boy eats so much mexican food that he thinks he is a Mexican. He is getting spaghetti tonight.

Jack just told me that I am not the boss of him and that God is his only boss. Not good.

For years all Jack wanted for his birthday was an elevator then last year he decided he would settle for a train that he could drive around the neighborhood. Obviously he has been a very disappointed little boy. Well this year, he wanted a stop sign. I found one today it was so great of a moment, that I had to blog about it. ;)

Sam woke up this morning and asked for dessert. When I told him that we don't have dessert with breakfast, he said "then just feed me lunch"

Do you think if I suggested to Trent that we have more babies so the church would keep bringing us meals that he would volunteer to cook dinner from now on?