Perspective

I saw this quote on my agency's blog today and thought it was encouraging as we are still waiting on our PA.

"Waiting for something wonderful is so much better than waiting for nothing...time passes regardless, so you might as well spend it waiting for that amazing moment!"

What I Am Learning

I prayed the other day that God would not take away this emptiness I feel in my heart, but instead that He would use it to teach me what He wants me to learn during this waiting time.   I believe He is doing just that. 

I have been AMAZED reading the entries in this Yahoo group that I am a part of called "adopting children with limb differences".  These incredible people have adopted not one but multiple children with limb deformities and they can't wait to get more.  Most of these adoptions cost over 25k before medical expenses.  These are families who are giving up fancy cars, vacation homes, and new furniture for the opportunity to give more children a chance at life.  I spent the last week in awe of their stories and then God started to show me that as great as these people are for taking that step of faith over and over, the real blessing is theirs.  Through adopting a child with a special need, God is giving them the opportunity to see Him move in their lives and the lives of these little ones.  That sure beats the heck out of a new car.

So Trent and I aren't special at all, we are just the receivers of blessing to be able to participate in this incredible process of adoption.  How fortunate we are to be able to bring Ruthie into our home and get to see all that God is going to do in her.  Why we have been chosen for this blessing, I will never know, but I am so glad that He is letting us be a part of His plan for her little life. 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. Psalm 127:3

Waiting on our PA- still

The next step in our adoption is called your PA or pre-approval.  It is basically notification from China that they have pulled your dossier out of the "healthy child" line and moved it the shared referral line to be processed for your specific child. My agency says that this notification takes around 4 weeks and that it really doesn't mean much.  Well, it has been 5 1/2 weeks now and it means something to me. 

*It means that I am still no closer than I was 5 weeks ago to picking up my daughter

*It means that the process is getting slower (like the healthy child process has been for 2 years now) and that is not good news to me or Ruthie

*It means that I can't stop thinking about her and I dream about bringing her into my family every night with no real picture of when that will be

*It means that a country of 1.3 billion people can't find someone to read my paperwork

Ok I know that sounds bitter, but it is not at all.  Instead, it is this sadness and helplessness that overwhelms me as I have already missed 2 years of my daughters life and I don't want to miss another day, but there is nothing I can do about it on the other half of the world but Pray. 

Please pray that China would add workers to process these children needing homes so parents like me can travel to pick up their babies. 

 

The Waiting Child

In an effort to prepare for Ruthie, I have joined every Yahoo group for Chongqing or special needs adoption and I have been following the blogs of other families in the same position.  I saw this poem on another blog today and it grabbed my heart. 

Please pray today that China will process our paperwork quickly.  I am praying this constantly.

The Waiting Child
I saw you meet your child today,
you kissed your baby joyfully
and as you walked away with her,
I played pretend you'd chosen me.

I'm happy for the baby,
yet inside I'm aching miserably.
I want to plead as you go by,
Does no-one want a child of three?

I saw you meet your child today,
in love with her before you met.
And as I watched you take her out,
I knew it wasn't my turn yet.

I recognize you from last year!
I knew I'd seen your face before!
But you came for a second babe.
Does no-one want a child of four?

I saw you meet your child today
but this time there was something new:
A nurse came in and took MY hand
and then she gave my hand to you.

Can this be true? I'm almost six!
And there are infants here you see?
But then you kissed me and I knew
the child you chose this time was me.

by Debbie Bodi

Dear Ruthie-  

We put together a care package today to send to you.  I made a pillow for you with our pictures on the front so you could be looking at our faces and might recognize us when we pick you up. Sam wanted to include one of his cars and a whistle in your box, but we will wait and let you play with those when you get here.  Our homestudy is updated and our fingerprints are clear.  These are all steps closer to bringing you home.