It's been a night. I think I jinxed myself about 6:00 when I told my friend that it had been pretty boring around here. She came to visit and it quickly became a very different story. Around 7:00 (I think) Maggie became inconsolable. She was thrashing and pulling things off her body. It was clear that something was not right. They took her to CT and discovered that her swelling had increased significantly on her brain. We were thankful though that it was not a new bleed. The doctor was a amazing and walked down there with us and stood beside her for the CT then read it right there. We really are getting amazing care.
He explained that she probably has a horrendous headache but he cannot treat it because that would take away her ability to tell us what was going on in her head. The other measures used to determine brain activity are more dangerous. I get it. I really do. However, there is something awful about denying your child treatment for her pain. I know that it is for her greater good to help bring healing but I can't possibly explain that to her thrashing body. I have to wonder if that is exactly what God is doing with us right now. I don't want to walk this road and I would love for a quick fix but for whatever reason He sees the bigger picture and has determined that we are right where we are supposed to be for the best outcome. I can say that. I am still trying to trust it.
They are treating her with a hypertonic IV and diuretics to try and pull the fluid off of her brain. This is clearly less invasive than drilling a hole in her head. She has been sleeping better than expected since the incident but that also concerns me. It is either God's hand on her letting her rest or something much less desirable. I think we will know more tomorrow.
A Few Observations From My Day:
1. Catastrophe reconnects you with people you didn't anticipate ever hearing from again. I have received messages from old high school friends, former patients, and even relatives I had lost touch with. Knowing they care enough to contact me has been really encouraging. I told my nurse that Jesus just might walk into this room to check on things Himself because there were so many people crying out to Him on Maggie's behalf.
2. It is good to be known. I sweet friend dropped by today and brought me a donut with sprinkles. She knows me and it was her sweet gesture that made that moment in time easier. Now don't everyone bring me donuts today! I am actually not hungry at all and that may be the only good thing that comes out of this experience. A dozen comfort donuts a day would not be good here. One was sufficient. It was good to be known. That is all I am saying here.
3. Encouragement comes from the most unexpected places. We have had visits or phone calls from some unlikely acquaintances who have actually had the best advice. No doubt they were little blessings from the Lord to carry us one more lap. A photography client of mine stopped by tonight with 2 friends and told Trent they were headed to the chapel to pray for Maggie's healing. This was the first story he told me when we traded off at 3 am. It ministered to him and he needed that after our evening.
A friend reminded me this evening of the importance of positivity. He is right and I had forgotten that. I am going to try and spend today not just responding to Maggie but intentionally speaking affirmation and positivity over her. I think it would be good for all of us.
I am not sure what today holds but I am hopeful it is the turn around we have prayed for. Her swelling does appear to be going down in her face and extremities with the treatment they have done just since midnight so I have to trust that it is going down in her brain as well. Thank you for your prayers, your encouraging words, and a random donut.
I am praying to see this personality again someday. I am not ready for it to be just a memory.