If you have visited here before, you can probably see that I have changed the name of the blog again. I started blogging at 4URuthie to tell the story of our journey to adopt our 1st daughter. I changed it to Mountains for Maggie when we were praying for God to move mountains on behalf of our 2nd daughter. Well now it is no longer just Ruthie’s or Maggie’s stories. It is now our family's story, and the stories of those we share life with, as we Conquer Mountains together. Both ConqueringMountains.net and 4URuthie.blogspot will lead here.

About Me

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I am a pastor's wife, mother of 4 kids (2 adopted and 3 with special needs), physical therapist, and photography junky. This is where it all comes together for me. Feel free to join along as I process life out loud.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Getting Real Honest- Is it the Kid or the Idea of them?

I was just having this conversation with my neighbor and figured it was time to go ahead and think out loud here.  Who knows, maybe you will have some thoughts to share on this topic too.  I would love to hear them.


So every time I think back lately on my time in China with Bring Me Hope, I get this icky feeling inside of me that I haven't been able to shake.  When I get feelings like that, they usually come from God because He has something He wants me to learn.  So I have been asking myself all kinds of questions and wondering if I am supposed to go back or what.   Then it came to me the other day.  I think I made a big mistake in China and did those 2 precious children a disservice.   I think I was so wrapped up in the idea of blessing them, buying things for them, and entertaining them that I failed to make a significant enough heart connection with them.  Truthfully I think I guarded my heart from that because I knew our time together was so limited.


So as I was coming to the realization of that, the bigger question hit me.  Do I do the same thing with my kids here?  Am I more focused on the idea of them then I am on their hearts?

Let's get real truthful here.  I think when I get busy, I get more enjoyment out of shopping for clothes with ruffles than I do playing dolls with Ruthie and connecting with her closely.   And to keep keeping it honest,  I have been known to get more enjoyment out of telling someone how good of a reader Sam is than I have sitting down and listening to him read.  And Jack?  Well let's just say that watching him sleep is sometimes a lot more fun than parenting his heart and helping him with the things he is struggling with right now.

YES I am that crappy sorry of a mother sometimes.  THANK GOD it is not like that all the time.  Really it is when I get busy and don't make the effort to connect with their hearts because truthfully (just like in China) that doesn't happen automatically and it doesn't happen just because you are in the same room.

The other time that it happens is when I let the world define for me what is significant.  Just like my sweet girls at camp in China didn't see me and say "oh yes someone to buy me stuff", Ruthie didn't come to our home and rejoice that she could finally wear ruffles.  So why do I find significance in the insignificant?   It is as ridiculous as it sounds.

I don't think I am the only one guilty of this.  I look around me and see children being raised (as 8 year olds) to play a position on the high school football team but yet rarely sitting down with their family for dinner.  Isn't that the same thing?  I think it is a problem for a lot of us and unless we slow down and let God define our priorities, we may all look back one day and have the same icky feeling I have when remembering my time at Bring Me Hope.


Jenn said...

Wonderfully said!

Thanks for being honest and causing me to stop and really think about my own parenting ways.


A Konzelman said...

Something I struggle with daily. What an amazingly huge job it is for us to shepherd our children's hearts.

I know my only shot at this is to allow God to shepherd my heart first. That's the bigger issue with me personally. The days I am most dis-connected with my children, are the days I am not allowing God to shepherd me...clearly put...when I am being STUBBORN and it's my way or the highway.

When I sew peace and intentional love into them, then we all reap those things as a family. Something we have been missing lately.

Thanks for honesty Ginny; great thoughts. Encouraged me today. :-)

amanda k.

KarenD said...

Shortly after I had Ian, I was struck with this: I apparently was more enamored with the idea of having kids (a baby, more specifically) than the actual kid that was finally in my arms with whom I had no CLUE what to do! And the fact that he would be around for at least 18 years and my parenting job STILL wouldn't end there, all of my own selfish tendencies kicked into gear... I was afraid of what kind of mom I would be.

Ah-hem, now that my hormones have settled a bit, I do still struggle with the best way to LOVE my kids. I justify that by doing household chores and yes, even shopping trips, I am meeting their needs and being a good mom. As funny as it may sound, I have to SCHEDULE my time with them to keep me accountable, and let's face it, kids like routine anyway.

The best thing I did was find something that we all ENJOY doing together (for us, it's crafts). General kid play can get kinda boring to me, so it helped me to be focused on spending time with them in a way that was satisfying to me AND them. I know that still sounds a bit selfish, but if you're just reading a book with your kid because you feel obligated, you probably won't make that heart connection either because you're not into it. Ack, sorry for the long comment!

Karen Grace said...

Wow! Well said! Got me thinking... I think I may repost if you don't mind.

Chanda said...

Wow - hit me right between the eyes, Ginny, much as I don't like to admit it. I've had similar thoughts go through my mind at times...Think I'll go play with Amelia for awhile...

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn said...

Ouch! I struggle with this frequently and today was an especially "busy" day. Constantly praying for God to give me a clearer picture of His prioreties. Thanks for sharing the raw stuff!

Teri said...

I struggle with this all the time. Thank you for saying it as I too am thinking it many times a day. I always think try to do better tomorrow as that is all I have. You are in no way alone in this.

Anonymous said...

Miles and Jenny think you are a great mom!

Amy said...

Previous post deleted due to entirely unintended smugness...my humblest apologies...

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