THE BACK STORY
So every time I think back lately on my time in China with Bring Me Hope, I get this icky feeling inside of me that I haven't been able to shake. When I get feelings like that, they usually come from God because He has something He wants me to learn. So I have been asking myself all kinds of questions and wondering if I am supposed to go back or what. Then it came to me the other day. I think I made a big mistake in China and did those 2 precious children a disservice. I think I was so wrapped up in the idea of blessing them, buying things for them, and entertaining them that I failed to make a significant enough heart connection with them. Truthfully I think I guarded my heart from that because I knew our time together was so limited.
THE APPLICATION HERE
So as I was coming to the realization of that, the bigger question hit me. Do I do the same thing with my kids here? Am I more focused on the idea of them then I am on their hearts?
Let's get real truthful here. I think when I get busy, I get more enjoyment out of shopping for clothes with ruffles than I do playing dolls with Ruthie and connecting with her closely. And to keep keeping it honest, I have been known to get more enjoyment out of telling someone how good of a reader Sam is than I have sitting down and listening to him read. And Jack? Well let's just say that watching him sleep is sometimes a lot more fun than parenting his heart and helping him with the things he is struggling with right now.
YES I am that
The other time that it happens is when I let the world define for me what is significant. Just like my sweet girls at camp in China didn't see me and say "oh yes someone to buy me stuff", Ruthie didn't come to our home and rejoice that she could finally wear ruffles. So why do I find significance in the insignificant? It is as ridiculous as it sounds.
I don't think I am the only one guilty of this. I look around me and see children being raised (as 8 year olds) to play a position on the high school football team but yet rarely sitting down with their family for dinner. Isn't that the same thing? I think it is a problem for a lot of us and unless we slow down and let God define our priorities, we may all look back one day and have the same icky feeling I have when remembering my time at Bring Me Hope.