Thoughts

Another set of RA's came to our agency yesterday and ours was not one of them. I believe these were all people who received their matches after us too. The fact that China does not process their RAs all in the order they are received as matches drives me crazy. Trent says that I see the world in black and white and when things don't fit into their reasonable compartments, it rocks my world. I think it makes it harder when the "injustice" affects my child.

On a more positive note, it is interesting to look back over the last few months and see how God has inclined my heart to Ruthie. For the longest time Ruthie was just a name without a face and then I had a face and a name but in my head they were not one yet. I remember reading people's blogs where they would refer to their "daughter" and it was hard for me to think of her like that since she was not with me. God has done an incredible work over the last few months as now I can comfortably call her my daughter and I truly love her even though we haven't met YET.

This wait has been on one level one of the loneliest times of my life as I have struggled with emotions that those around me couldn't possibly understand. Not even Trent could relate to what I have been experiencing as the journey for dad is so different than the journey for mom. At the same time, it has been one of the least lonely times in life as I have become part of a community of international adoptive parents that know exactly what I am going through. They will send me emails or post to their blogs my exact thoughts and emotions. This has been incredibly validating because without them I would constantly wonder if my fears, frustrations, and thoughts were normal. Thank you to Naomi, Cheri, Kristine, Jenn, Colleen, and many others for sharing your stories. They keep me sane and give me hope for what lies just around the corner.