Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Today is Hard for Some Reason

 Today and yesterday have been harder for some reason.  I am flooded with fears from 2 sides:

1. What if I have gotten myself into way more than I can handle?  What if this doesn't go well and she has severe problems that I didn't see coming?  What if she hates us?  What if the boys don't like her?  I keep reminding myself that over and over God has confirmed His calling for us to adopt, but then I think that doesn't guarantee that it is going to go well.  

2. The total opposite fear then is what if this takes a lot longer than I have expected?  I have already missed 2 years of her life and have been grieving that she is older than I had hoped- not because I don't like older babies, but because I have already missed so much.  We travel to Pine Cove Family Camp June 14th and I so want her to be able to go with us.  We do this every year and it is by far the most meaningful thing we do as a family.   It is already paid for and my kids would never forgive me if we didn't go, but what if our travel dates fall during that week?  I can't let Ruthie be the reason that Jack and Sam miss family camp.  This would not be a good way to introduce her to them.   

This all weighs so heavy on my heart today.  I know God is teaching me something, but truthfully I am tired of learning.  I would say that I can't do this much longer, but what are my options?  I have none but to wait.   

Please pray for our RA to come this week and for sanity.  Maybe we should all pray for Trent too since he has to live with me like this. :)

I took away the song btw. It was getting on my nerves so I figured it was probably getting on everyone else's too.  



Natalie said...

I'll be praying, Ginny.

Anonymous said...

What an awesome thing that you and Trent are doing by practicing true religion and taking care of an orphan. You guys are amazing and I am sure you will face what ever obstacle comes in your path with grace and strength because I know you two we lean on God. I check your blog and pray for you often. I know it has to be a hard stressful time. Know that you guys are loved and prayed for.

Angel (Brown) Sorrell

Naomi said...

Oh Ginny, I know only too well how you are feeling!! There are times when it seems as though you cannot take another step. Let the Lord take it for you. There are times when the fears seem to drown out your faith. God will not allow you to sink beneath them. What happened to us is not likely to happen to you and I want to encourage you in this. I hope so much that your RA comes SOON also and I am praying for you every day!!

Love you sweet sister!!!!