After a month of silence from China, a lot of prayer, and some misplaced confidence, our agency received a batch of RA's today and ours was not in there. It has become nearly unbearable to read the rejoicing of families receiving their RA's who were matched months after us. Somewhere deep within me I am truly happy for them, but I am so overcome by my own disappointment that I can barely read their celebration announcements.
I sit here tonight feeling more disappointment than I think I can bear. I do not know what tomorrow holds. It not fair to my other children and my husband for my life to be so dictated by the emotions that surround this wait. Jack graduates from Kindergarten tomorrow and I want desperately to focus entirely on him. I just don't know how to move passed the disappointment I am feeling right now.